Gujaratis Rock! Gujjus at their best....

Gujarat is one of India's beautiful states and is always in the news for the one reason that is at the heart of every Gujarati - business and prosperity !

This piece relates to Gujaratis in India or overseas - and it dedicated to all my Gujju friends based on my pure appreciation and love of their culture and way of life. So true... and if there are any more observations about the culture and life please do comment!

Gujju Tip 1: Except for pilots, air hostesses & flight attendants...  Gujjus are the only people who do business all around the world!!                            

Gujju Tip 2: We are the reason why all those lanes are called " Khau Galli "or Khaudhra Gali in Mumbai

Gujju Tip 3 :
  Time   :  9 am.
  Place   :  Any Mumbai Local (or anywhere else too)
  Words :  Bajaar aaje uppar chhe ke niche?

Gujju Tip 4 : We are spiritual, but our 'Satyanarayan ni katha' always  ends with 'shiro aaje mast thayo chhe......!

Gujju Tip 5 : Even our ABCD starts with B
                    B for Business

Gujju Tip 6 : Thepla is our bread and Athaanu is our butter

Gujju Tip 7 : A Gujju may feel tired after 10 mins of Walking, but the same Gujju is still energetic after 5 HOURS of non stop garba and dandiya !!

Gujju Tip 8 : Earth revolves around the Sun..  We revolve around FOOD

Gujju Tip 9 : Only a Gujju can Choose 'KajuKatri' over 'Rasgulla',  'Faafda' over 'Lays', 'Khaman' over 'Idli', and 'Daya bhabhi' over 'Kareena Kapoor'

Gujju Tip 10 : You are a 'pakki' gujju if you have gossiped about  someone for hours and then said, "javaade ema aapde shu? Jene je karvu hoy te karva de"

Gujju Tip 11 : If your stock broker's surname doesn't end with Shah, Mehta, Parekh or Patel, then you're definitely doing something wrong!

Gujju Tip 12 : Hindi hamko jara bhi nahi faavta hai..

Gujju Tip 13 : "Every Gujju will introduce their spouse as "Aa mara Mrs. chhe or Aa mara Mr. che" !

Gujju Tip 14 : One Patel 's knowledge = Entire Google!..

Gujju Tip 15 : Doesn't matter how bad we are at pronouncing English words , we still have guts to say those words out aloud in public

Gujju Tip 16 : The World says:Save Electricity, Save Water, Save Nature; but Gujju says: Sev Puri, Sev Khaman, Sev Gathiya

Gujju Tip 17 : Parents won't care a bit what they want or what we  want.... they only know what our relatives don't want.. '' Na Na dikra, sagga vhala shu kehshe''

Gujju Tip 18 : Easiest way to identify a Gujju somewhere abroad..Sport shoes under formal pants!

Gujju Tip 19: When you start singing bollywood songs and end up  singing garba songs... You are a true Gujju!

Gujju Tip 20 : Just a matter of time before we have own version of KFC - Khandwi & Fafda Chaat house!!  Anyone for McDhokla??

Gujju Tip 21 : If you have already started thinking about Navratris and that too once everyday. Congrats, you are a True Gujju :)

  

Disclaimer: I got this from a mail forwarded by a friend and am acknowledging the anonymous source. I shall appreciate if anyone can identify the source. 

  

Shameful incidents... MLA beats up cop (March 2013)

When push comes to shove ... these "brave", "macho" men run scared !

It is a shame to see such a display of highhandedness. Politicians today are a rule unto themselves and unfortunately every section of society makes them larger than life. And then.... as they say "Power Corrupts" 

A cop is beaten up by a MLA because he had the temerity to challan him for overspeeding ! And the government cannot do anything because they just do not have it in them to take action. Read Chanakya's wisdom that explains the inaction 

If the king is pious, the subjects become so; but if the king is vicious, the subjects become the same. If he be indifferent to both (virtue and vice), then they too bear the same character. In short, as is the king so are his subjects.              - Chanakya   

Today morning I read about these guys running all over the Vidhhan Sabha building trying to pull the correct strings to avoid arrest. Why ? Scared to go behind bars ! 

Check the media coverage...

FIR does not cover non-bailable charge !http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/mumbai/Non-bailable-charge-not-in-FIR-against-MLAs/articleshow/19101975.cms

And they are just suspended (didn't the same charade happen when some folks were caught watching porn)

Kings get away easy !http://www.dnaindia.com/mumbai/report_maharashtra-mlas-get-away-with-suspension_1813695

Finally, who says that the cops stood up for their own ! No, even they are scared ao one finds no action taken against them ... 

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/mumbai/Kid-gloves-used-for-politicians-iron-fist-for-common-man/articleshow/19099155.cms

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/mumbai/No-action-taken-when-Kadam-threatened-government-officials-earlier/articleshow/19099119.cms

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/mumbai/Thane-cops-left-Thakurs-out-of-drive-against-tinted-windows/articleshow/19099147.cms

Just wondering when will we come of age and cease to be a banana republic - or do we really deserve to be called human beings ? 

IndiGo ... etc - how do we decipher airfares and airmiles?

Over a period of time you learn about the scams in the airline industry and how you get worthless offers for cards, upgrades, etc.

Sometime back Jet Airways splashed every inch of online and offline media announcing a giveaway of 2 million seats for around Rs 2300 ! And their site crashed. Before them it was another airline company and they too had a bad IT infrastructure to support the promotion. 

Now I was looking for a ticket for Delhi and saw IndiGo offering a good price and I go to book it and what do I see ! The ticket offered for 3995 is actually being charged 7k something !

So how does a regular user decipher these airline scams ? 

It is normal for airlines to charge taxes etc when you purchase a ticket against your miles. Imagine my shock when this happened to me a few months earlier  -  I wanted to redeem my miles on Jet Airways for a ticket Bombay - Dubai, I was asked to redeem about 25,000 miles and the taxes etc to be paid in cash was about Rs. 18,000 !!! Well I'll be dammed ! I walk into Jet Airways or any other airline I can purchase a return ticket for about Rs 25K and here Jet is asking me to pay 25k in miles PLUS 18k in cash !

Is there any word which can describe an act which is more than 'daylight robbery' or 'pulling wool over your eyes' ?

Then there are hidden gems - you cannot do a web checkin on the low cost airline (or what they call 'codeshare') and claim miles. 

Oh yes - all airlines and co-branded credit cards offer free tickets and upgrade vouchers. These pieces of paper are not worth the ink used to print on them so you might as well throw them away on receipt. The upgrade is valid only on full fare economy fares and if you can afford to buy a ticket BOM-DEL on full economy fare then there is no reason for you to travel economy as you should be buying a business / premier seat. The free ticket is only for the base fare and again you have to opt for a full fare! Who can afford to do this especially when cattle class is the same - whether you have paid more or less.

Pandora was lucky - she had hope! Not us Indians

Yes, Pandora was lucky to have hope but we Indians do not seem to have this single attribute which will take us safely into the future. 

Hope becomes dimmer by the day. Especially on days like today when you wake up to see eminent persons make regressive recommendations. 

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/mumbai/Put-curbs-on-Facebook-mobiles-to-protect-girls/articleshow/18620170.cms

I would say this is an indicator of the distance we have to cover in terms of just aligning our thought with the present day. We cannot live in the dark ages and try to extract the benefits of the modern world. It is like North Korea that spits at every country and then is expects MFN status!

How can we even think of awareness, information security, technology advancement, capability building or capacity building when we have regressive thinking in such high echelons. If it was a Godman, a politician, a shamman, a witch doctor or a someone wearing colored robes, one can ascribe it to their lack of intellect or education. 

Each of these persons have an ulterior motive to shackle youth and what better target than young women.

A parting thought - will we now ban cycles as they were the vehicles that transported the bombs that went off in Hyderbad ? The damage is more than a few blogged / tweeted words that hurt people in high places!

Shame !

Mera Bharat kaisey Mahaan

Shame on us....

2012 Dec 15

Saala police wala ka report karta hai ! How dare this guy do this... shame on the UP cops.

http://www.hindustantimes.com/India-news/UttarPradesh/Cops-force-Vietnamese-into-murga-pose-in-UP/Article1-972516.aspx

They are no better than the napunsak Palghar cops - just because they are wearing khakhi these goondas think they are above everyone and have God like powers. 

Jet Airways short changing on miles redemption

I collected miles to use when I want to travel with the family overseas because that's what it means - you are a member of XYZ airline scheme and you can use it on that airline for travel anyplace. They may charge you for the tax over the miles - fair enough as they have to pay cash for that too. 

Well, today I got a rude shock when I wanted to redeem miles to buy a ticket online at jetairways.com - mind you this is not the first time I have been shocked by the crap doled out in the name of service or "small type" by silly customer service agents. 

In any case there is no choice but to lie back and enjoy the crap so one just plods along in life generally grumpy at the monopolistic attitude of these "big" guys. BTW I have recently been given some bad shit at one of the Tata companies too but that's another story.

To come to Jet Airways ... I have about 18k miles and am shopping for a good fare from Mumbai - Dubai in February. So I checked Jet for a cash fare and a mileage redemption fare and this is what I get:

Pay cash Rs. 19639 - BOM/DXB/BOM for Feb 10 / Feb 17
If you want to redeem you have to pay:

Miles: 30,000
PLUS Cash Rs. 16,069

The BS explanation given to me was that because international flights have a higher tax incidence that's why the mileage is high. Hahahahhahahahahahhahahhaha I could die laughing (or crying).

So Mr Goyal / Jet Airways is trying to tell me to give them 30,000 miles plus Rs. 16K for the same product they are selling at Rs. 19K.  Now actually they sell miles @ Rs.1.25 each which means that I am being asked to spend Rs. 32,750 + Rs. 16,069 for the same ticket which they are selling at 19.6k.

Wow ! I wonder how many suckers they have been able to get till date. 

No wonder Miles and More have not signed up any partners in India what with such short changing practices. I have another account with another airline and that is no better :)

Like I said - lie back and enjoy the ra#e.

Weeding out fake SIM cards and messing the environment

The Government has blindly issued orders to all telcos to confirm the identities of 600 million (60 cr) subscribers since they assume that 30% or so are fake.

it is so typical of the government to start new scams and I would like to know which "expert" is involved here.

On the one hand we are so very militant about green and environment issues and BEE and MEF and the activists talk about conservation. Here the government has foolishly started a new 'progrom' and the telcos stupidly implement the orders.

I was at a Vodafone store and it was swamped with people who were submitting a fresh set of documents. I filled in my form and handed it over and was told I should fill in two forms since I have two numbers ! Inspite of having a field for two numbers on the form, I had to submit another set - form + license copy + photograph - this got me thinking about the national waste thought up by some silly fool of a bureaucrat.

I spent some time to a high level calculation and am sharing this with the group hoping someone will carry it and shove it in the face of the idiot who started this exercise in the guise of national security.

After you have seen these numbers think about [1] the environmental impact of people who will work on this, [2] the people who made a killing printing the forms and doing data processing....... and

Finally - I am not going to fool myself with the thought that some telco will undertake the cost of processing 300 million forms free - only to meet compliance requirements !!! hahahah

Calculations....

1.  Approx number of mobile phone subscribers in India = 600 million
1.1 Number considered for this calculation = 50%

2. requirement for verification by Vodafone etc:
 - a form
 - photocopy of license, passport etc
 - color photograph on picture paper

= mininum 2 sheets of paper
x 300 million = 600 million sheets (60 cr sheets)
= 12,lac packets of paper that we see in our office
 each packet is 2.2 kgs approx (70 gsm)
= 26,40,000 kg
= 2640 tons of paper used
= 5 280 000 pounds
= 63,936 trees

3.
Computer time for reconciliation or for entry of each form estimated @ 15 mins per applicant

Total number of forms to be processed =  300  million
Total computer time = 75 million hours
= 8561 man years

Average assumed electricity consumption per computer  ~ 680 watts
= electricity consumption / year = 5956 Kw
= total elec for processing the crap collected by the telcos = 50,996,164 kw

Carbon Footprint = 21,929 tons
= this will be offset by ~ 1000 trees for 40 years

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