How to become a Godman and enjoy the "Fruit(s) of the world"

You start a business and to grow it from a one-man show into a big conglomerate it takes years. There are laws and ethics to abide by and so much more. Including taxes to be paid.

Become a Godman and life is easy.

Start by calling yourself a Baba or baby :) ... Male babas should grow a beard and hair and wear a saffron robe - he should look like someone who had just stepped out of the jungle and never owned a comb or razor. Female babis should have neatly combed hair and look clean and pure.

Find a chai stall near home, and become a regular fixture. Keep a hundred rupees to last unpteen cups for a week because (if you are smart) you will become a baba / babi in this period of time.

Make your bio sketch and memorize it - you must be born in a slum or in abject poverty. Your mom could not feed you, your dad beat you, your siblings stole your food, the grocer uncle abused you, the teacher beat you ! Life was a bitch until you ran away into the forest to answer the call you got when you were sleeping (don't elaborate whether the call was physical or metaphysical). And you spent years there living off the land ... and then there was light ! Of course no one has to know that you were a poacher or that you cut trees or whatever you did. And now you have to fulfill your destiny by helping mankind.

Now look around the table at the chai stall and start conversations about how life, boss, biwi, banker etc are evil. Everyone has a trunk full of hassles and these "distressed" people will latch on and talk to you. They need a shoulder to cry on and someone to tell them they are right - which is the sympathy that was not coming from the boss / biwi / bacha etc.

And pander to their vanity.

State the obvious - world is full of nasties, you are pure inside, the world will come to an end soon, forgive everyone, say hello to God, do Yoga, chant "Hello God or Hello World" every time you are stressed.

Hold their hand and tell them their future - it will not always be rosy but will be full of hope. Death is always a decade away (at least). The poor wants good fortune, the rich wants peace of mind. Both are chasing what they already have

So tell the poor guy his promotion will come, he will get a raise or an order or a loan, dame fortune will smile. Prescribe some pooja and havan which you can do for him in private at the banks of the Ganges in Haridwar next week when you are there for a "bhandara". The rich one only needs to slow down but you have to give him a metaphysical solution ! So tell him to keep 5 and a half gold coins under his pillow and a five rupee coin in his underwear when he sleeps - it's a placebo and will help him fight the devils in his dreams - those people he cheated and killed on his way up the corporate / financial ladder.

If someone intelligently questions you, stay away and do not get drawn into an argument. You have to build your practice.

Keep at it and you will get success. Among a hundred people at the tea stall on e will get promoted or win one dollar / hundred rupees in a lottery and you are on your way to success.

If you can find a well endowed (financially) benefactor your work is half done and you will not have to do the chai stall routine.

Once you arrive you will get men and women at your doorstep and they will offer you tan, man and dhan (flesh, soul and money) unconditionally. Take it easy and slowly. Invest in yourself - get facials so that the "glow" on your face increases and you become more "godlike" - in this pursuit keep your "godzilla" tendencies under strict control.

Overseas you will find the NRI community - set our sights on them too - there is a lot of easy pickings available.

The politicians will bring the government machinery at your feet so you can build ashrams anyplace you want - no permissions required. You do not need to pay taxes and can open a number of temples and ashrams.

The businessmen will bring money !

The women.... well what can one say except that there will be more than you can handle. Your assistants will be on a roll too so set strong ground rules.

In short, as you have arrived, you have a lot of fruits to pluck so have fun ! Being a Godman is easy and there are a zillion suckers waiting to be sucked and spat out.

Go forth... milk the suckers and build your empire ! until the day you get caught with your pants down !