Weeding out fake SIM cards and messing the environment

The Government has blindly issued orders to all telcos to confirm the identities of 600 million (60 cr) subscribers since they assume that 30% or so are fake.

it is so typical of the government to start new scams and I would like to know which "expert" is involved here.

On the one hand we are so very militant about green and environment issues and BEE and MEF and the activists talk about conservation. Here the government has foolishly started a new 'progrom' and the telcos stupidly implement the orders.

I was at a Vodafone store and it was swamped with people who were submitting a fresh set of documents. I filled in my form and handed it over and was told I should fill in two forms since I have two numbers ! Inspite of having a field for two numbers on the form, I had to submit another set - form + license copy + photograph - this got me thinking about the national waste thought up by some silly fool of a bureaucrat.

I spent some time to a high level calculation and am sharing this with the group hoping someone will carry it and shove it in the face of the idiot who started this exercise in the guise of national security.

After you have seen these numbers think about [1] the environmental impact of people who will work on this, [2] the people who made a killing printing the forms and doing data processing....... and

Finally - I am not going to fool myself with the thought that some telco will undertake the cost of processing 300 million forms free - only to meet compliance requirements !!! hahahah

Calculations....

1.  Approx number of mobile phone subscribers in India = 600 million
1.1 Number considered for this calculation = 50%

2. requirement for verification by Vodafone etc:
 - a form
 - photocopy of license, passport etc
 - color photograph on picture paper

= mininum 2 sheets of paper
x 300 million = 600 million sheets (60 cr sheets)
= 12,lac packets of paper that we see in our office
 each packet is 2.2 kgs approx (70 gsm)
= 26,40,000 kg
= 2640 tons of paper used
= 5 280 000 pounds
= 63,936 trees

3.
Computer time for reconciliation or for entry of each form estimated @ 15 mins per applicant

Total number of forms to be processed =  300  million
Total computer time = 75 million hours
= 8561 man years

Average assumed electricity consumption per computer  ~ 680 watts
= electricity consumption / year = 5956 Kw
= total elec for processing the crap collected by the telcos = 50,996,164 kw

Carbon Footprint = 21,929 tons
= this will be offset by ~ 1000 trees for 40 years

=====================

Mera Bharat Mahaan - year round Diwali in the airport

This is hilarious and revealing - airports around the country have been using fire-crackers to keep the birds away. Now the Min of Home Affairs (MHA) has woken up to the fact that this is a security risk.

Why ?

Because someone wrapped a few fire-crackers in a newspaper and placed it in an aircraft in Thiruvananthapuram.

Firecracker planted on aircraft in Thiruvananthapuram: CISF

The funny part is that these blokes set fire to the grass in Mumbai airport, and called is a small incident !

Grass near Mumbai airport runway catches fire
PTI, Jan 13, 2010, 03.51pm IST
MUMBAI: A patch of grass near the main runway caught fire at the Mumbai airport but was quickly doused by the airport fire service personnel.

The incident took place around 2 pm when 'bird scarers' were bursting crackers to chase away birds that pose problems in flight operations.

... read more.

Like they say this is a funny country lekiin Mera Bharat Mahaan and it will be mahaan when we have people like this.

The 40 odd guys employed to burst crackers surely have a nice job - year round Diwali ! And now that the MHA is banning firecrackers they are going to become scarecrows

You are not doing India proud !

These people are definitely not doing India proud:

May 2010 - Pramod Muthalik, Sanjay Jindal,,  OP Chautala, Baba Ramdev, Swami Nityanand, Shailesh Mahimtura, IPL

May 2010

IPL - various stakeholders


The IPL was a good thing, until the rich guys started fighting to get a few crores more. And over the past few months there has been a lot of mud slinging and dirty linen being washed. Big names splattered all over with multiple allegations. I am sure the PR professionals have made a killing. Well I did not want to get into the IPL muck since I was personally confused about who was doing what, and why and how. Who owned slices and dices of the cake. 


Unfortunately the name Sharad Pawar and his family is now headlined and the explanations are not convincing. This is my personal opinion and I am disappointed. I am also amused that Mr Lalit Modi has issued a statement defending him and naming Chirayu Amin as another "interested" party. 


Governance... whats that ?



Shailesh Mahimtura

Greed is bound to bring you down. Mr Mahimtura is a highly successful structural engineer and was heading the Heritage committee and various other decision making bodies of the Mumbai Municipality. And he asked for a  bribe ! whoops - man you have tons of money and command big fees so why are you so cheap as to ask for a bribe ? 

Just because everyone in authority asks (or expects) (or demands) a bribe for any type of work does not mean that you also go and indulge in the same bad practice. And then you are sooo greedy - you ask for big money and threaten people who do not pay.

What a sad end to am bright career - I am sure this person was an intelligent and smart person who knew his job / profession but it is apparent he did not know how to handle power. Egos build up as one becomes powerful and then one fine day something like this happens. It is high time the educated (so called elite) stopped stooping so low and set an example. 

However I do believe that it all starts when you are  young and to take a line from the song in the movie "2 Idiots" - Papa ne ghoos dena sikhaya (Dad taught me to bribe), So now it is this guy's birthright to take and give bribes !!

Pramod Muthalik

- from the Ram Sene. He has just been caught on video asking for 60 lacs to "engineer" riots to create a controversy about an artist's work. This was a sting operation and he and another party functionary were caught on camera asking for money and discussing (cold bloodedly) the merits of doing some 'hungama' in an area where there is a majority Mulsim population !

Man this guy makes me feel so sick. And he is the same person who had led an attack on young college kids at a Mangalore pub saying that the pub-culture was immoral and that he was the protector of Indian / Hindu culture.

Well Mr Pramod - Hindu culture surely does not need people like you for its protection. It has prevailed and survived over the past thousands of years and people like you will make sure we get killed. Talibanisation is not welcome !!

Sanjay Jindal

OP Chautala

Baba Ramdev

- supporting the Khap panchayati demand for amendment of the Hindu Marriage act to ban "same gotra" marriages !

The first person is a yuppie politician and hearing him support this crap is so so sad. It is quite obvious his education has gone to waste. If he has to support medieval practices and fears under the guise of Hindu Culture he has to really learn what culture really means.

The second person - I have seen him over the past so many years that I would just discount him as he is a politician who is interested only to keep the pot of strife boiling so he can take advantage of vote banks when needed.

The BIG question here for both these 'enlightened' persons - since you are such great protectors of Hindu culture it is obvious you support child marriage and sati too. So should the junta expect that the next demands will be for inclusion of these practices also in the same Act ?

Yes, the oldies - those hookah smoking, self appointed guardians that are the Khaps will like that too - get a license to marry minors, or to marry off their minor girls and boys, and to burn widows !

Mr Jindal and Mr Chautala - u are supposed to be responsible leaders. If leaders think so we are headed for the cesspool and I surely have no interest to follow you.

Sincerely hope that good sense prevails on your constituents and they give you the boot.

The latest person to support this regressive thought is Baba Ramdev and I was disappointed since I would have expected a better response or silence from his end. These are people with a lot of influence and it may be better to stick to their core professions rather than start advocating expertise in Hindu culture. It is a complex thing where understanding has eluded people for centuries and it is the most dynamic culture which evolves with time. Please let this fabric be !

Ketan Desai

The president of the Medical Council of India - the biggest bribe taker of all ! And to imagine that he was the president elect of the World Medical Association. People like him abound in the country -they shout and scream against bribery and corruption and themselves are on the take.

Just like the holy men who have been caught time and again indulging themselves !

Sad, to say the least. And here the country is trying to build it's image as a good place, where there are good people and it is people like Desai who shame us.

I dropped the Dr from his name intentionally !

Swami Nityanand

Yes he is the same one who was also caught on video with a well known lady from the South Indian cinema.

Then he started screaming 'frameup' and 'morphing' and what not. It did not work and he went into hiding and is now back . In the meanwhile his disciple contracts have been exposed to include clauses which indemnify his ashram from any claims in event of sexual encounters etc ! And there are more stories about his escapades with other disciples of the female variety.

And there was this other swami who was running a high class call girl racket. I forget his name and will come back when I do.

Khap's khap

Punjabis use the work "khap" pretty frequently and I have grown up to learn that it means noise. It's use in sentences can be like

"khap paana" = make noise or just create a hassle.

"ki khap paa raha hai" = why are you making noise; what sort of crap are you now creating.

The Tribune, Chandigarh gives another meaning .. but if you look deeper, you will see that there is a sense of frustration being expressed !

sir khapana = tiresome exercise of the mind

In any case I will go by my own knowledge ! KHAP = din, noise, mess, hassle

Pronounced KH as in the 'kh' from the wrestler Khali AP as in 'up'

Well to come to the issue at hand, the Khap Panchayats have been creating a lot of khap over the past few months passing summary judgment on caste marriages and this has generally led to young boys and girls being killed to uphold the honor of their parents / family / village !

Does this sound medieval ? Yes ! I am shocked that we live in a modern society where we are seeing these extra constitutional bodies passing death sentences ! And it is being done in the name of "upholding Hindu values and traditions". They pass sentences on couples who have the same gotra. I don't even know my gotra !

The sad part is that we now have a "young turk" MP who is supporting the cause. Now this gent is supposed to be educated and the youth of the country has hopes and wold even look on him as a role model - and he is now playing caste politics.

Besides him there are many others -politicians, social workers et al who are calling for a change of the Hindu Marriage Act. They want it changed so that same gotra weddings are banned. They say this is against Hindu culture.

So is if okay under Hindu culture if you go around killing your sons and daughters.

In school we had this pledge which said "all Indians are my brothers and sisters" and then we grew up where everyone was an uncle, auntie, bhaiyya (brother) or didi (sister) ... you get the drift ?

It is sad to see these 'protectors of Hindu culture' working with negative forces. If only they used this same clout for the betterment of society we would be a much better country.

And shameful to see the educated "elite" and intelligentsia supporting feudal institutions in their pursuit for a pure race.

Public image ... and Tata's 'sorry' just won't do, says Nano owner

A bit late in the day but of great concern ...

How serious are we about our public image ? In the connected world it is necessary to take care not to allow any incident go by, whether small or big by our definition. One never knows where it will hit !

Take the Nano for instance - it just caught fire and no one is saying sorry !

Tata's 'sorry' just won't do, says Nano owner

Mid-Day.com, Thursday March 25, 2010, Mumbai

Mulund resident Satish Purushottam Sawant is still shaken by the March 21 incident, in which he and his family narrowly escaped death in their brand new Tata Nano. If there's anything that rankles the Sawants even more, it's the absence of an apology from Tata Motors.

And then another caught fire, and these have been termed isolated incidents.

New Tata Nano catches fire

Last updated on: April 07, 2010 20:52 IST

Another brand new Tata Nano car caught fire near Anand, the second such instance within a month, but the company claimed there were "no design flaws" with the world's cheapest car.

The incident took place at the vicinity of Boriyavi village, while a fleet of 11 Nanos was on its way to Vadodara.

Then there was the hack of TCS's website. It went down for a few hours but there was nary a word.

TCS website hacked BS Reporter / Mumbai February 9, 2010, 0:36 IST India’s largest information technology services company, Tata Consultancy Services (TCS), has become the latest target of hackers. The company has restored its website, after hackers changed its domain name and put it up for sale.

And of course whats happening today is the spat between Shashi Tharoor and Lalit Modi. One is a cabinet minister and the other is the big boss of the Indian Premier League. Both gentlemen have done a considerable amount of dirty laundry washing and name calling over the past few weeks. One has bitten the dust (as in resigned) and the other is said to be on his way out.

Image be dammed - public memory is short, and in any case who cares about what the public thinks anyway. Not the people who are in power or in money. Anyone outside their hallowed circle is inconsequential in form or thought.

So the rich, famous and connected continue their unchecked plunder and fight like c... and d... over the spoils.

A cool LCD story..... :)

Love, Cricket aur Danda

It is about love and cricket and the danda.

A story straight out of my childhood - there was this cut lady who i was trying to impress and she came to the school cricket match. I wanted (badly) to be the star of the game and told the captain to make sure that I was the opening batsman.

We lost the toss and were the fielding side. I was not asked to bowl and did not have much of a chance to do any eye-catching fielding too. The twenty overs were done and we went in to bat - and the captain did not send me to open ! Was I hopping mad, especially when he knew about my budding love story. And neither did I get to bat, because the second man to bat knocked up a good score and we won.

Well by the time the match ended, my love was tired and decided to go back home without any kind words.

She left and I had a fight with the captain and we got hauled by the principal who gave us both a good whack on our backsides with his danda (cane)

Love, cricket don't mix... and a danda does follow :)

................. over the past few days we are seeing this happening in India too. The difference is that there are big bucks involved and these guys are fighting on trying to get a bigger share.

Greed really knows no bounds - like these guys have raked in a few thousand crores already here and they are fighting over small change. And thank God this has attracted attention and now (hopefully) they will pay for their shenanigans with their resignations.

They can then go back to Rajasthan, UN, Kerala or Dubai for that matter and come back quietly later.

Governance, ethics, good manners, public responsibility, accountability .. what !! Alien words :)

Mumbai roads suck big time !

When driving in Mumbai you have to make sure that you sit on the edge of your seat since you never know when the next bump will throw your vehicle up in the air and you bang your head on the roof !

Bang your head, jar your spine and (maybe) break your neck - this is a distinct possibility. As real as riding a bike and getting your throat slit by sharp kite string (manjha).

Yes sir, I have had my brush with possible death when I was riding a bike and hit kite manjha - grazed my neck and I immediately reached up to save myself. Cut my hand, grazed my neck, missed my jugular, kept my balance - and I have lived to see many more days of my life.

OK to come back to Mumbai roads - practically every road is uneven whether the road has a tarred surface or is a concrete road. I mean how bad can it get ... a concrete road with an uneven surface. You get a load of bumps as you drive.

Then you arrive at a crossing and you ready yourself like you are walking on glass. Potlholes, uneven surfaces, loose paving blocks and jutting edges - all combining forces to snuff the life out of you or your tyre or wheel-rim or your vehicle.

Trying to save time using one of the 50 odd flyovers that dot the city and you had better slow down when you approach the ramp - the flyover is one step up ! Whoops - you get a nasty bump as your vehicle hits this step which can be anything from 2 or 3 inches to 5 or 6 inches. Imagine the hit you get when you approach at 60 kmph and how bad it is for you and/or your vehicle.

Does this make you wonder about the quality of the work ? Or about the quality of the inspection done by the Project Engineers in the Municipal corporation ? Or about the skills of the engineers who have executed the work ? And about the skills of the contractor ??

To be sure there is a lot of money which changes hands and how else how can one explain the ABSOLUTELY shoddy work that one has to live with day in and day out. Roads in other cities are not sooooo bad and I am talking about Delhi / Hyderabad / Chennai in comparison ! Mumbai is the pits.

While infrastructure does suck why cant we do a good job of whatever we are doing ? Compare with some countries in Africa which are light years behind us in development / economy and we are so bad in terms of quality that it is shameful.

I am going to take some pictures and mark the crap-spots on Google maps... so keep watching for updates.

How to become a Godman and enjoy the "Fruit(s) of the world"

You start a business and to grow it from a one-man show into a big conglomerate it takes years. There are laws and ethics to abide by and so much more. Including taxes to be paid.

Become a Godman and life is easy.

Start by calling yourself a Baba or baby :) ... Male babas should grow a beard and hair and wear a saffron robe - he should look like someone who had just stepped out of the jungle and never owned a comb or razor. Female babis should have neatly combed hair and look clean and pure.

Find a chai stall near home, and become a regular fixture. Keep a hundred rupees to last unpteen cups for a week because (if you are smart) you will become a baba / babi in this period of time.

Make your bio sketch and memorize it - you must be born in a slum or in abject poverty. Your mom could not feed you, your dad beat you, your siblings stole your food, the grocer uncle abused you, the teacher beat you ! Life was a bitch until you ran away into the forest to answer the call you got when you were sleeping (don't elaborate whether the call was physical or metaphysical). And you spent years there living off the land ... and then there was light ! Of course no one has to know that you were a poacher or that you cut trees or whatever you did. And now you have to fulfill your destiny by helping mankind.

Now look around the table at the chai stall and start conversations about how life, boss, biwi, banker etc are evil. Everyone has a trunk full of hassles and these "distressed" people will latch on and talk to you. They need a shoulder to cry on and someone to tell them they are right - which is the sympathy that was not coming from the boss / biwi / bacha etc.

And pander to their vanity.

State the obvious - world is full of nasties, you are pure inside, the world will come to an end soon, forgive everyone, say hello to God, do Yoga, chant "Hello God or Hello World" every time you are stressed.

Hold their hand and tell them their future - it will not always be rosy but will be full of hope. Death is always a decade away (at least). The poor wants good fortune, the rich wants peace of mind. Both are chasing what they already have

So tell the poor guy his promotion will come, he will get a raise or an order or a loan, dame fortune will smile. Prescribe some pooja and havan which you can do for him in private at the banks of the Ganges in Haridwar next week when you are there for a "bhandara". The rich one only needs to slow down but you have to give him a metaphysical solution ! So tell him to keep 5 and a half gold coins under his pillow and a five rupee coin in his underwear when he sleeps - it's a placebo and will help him fight the devils in his dreams - those people he cheated and killed on his way up the corporate / financial ladder.

If someone intelligently questions you, stay away and do not get drawn into an argument. You have to build your practice.

Keep at it and you will get success. Among a hundred people at the tea stall on e will get promoted or win one dollar / hundred rupees in a lottery and you are on your way to success.

If you can find a well endowed (financially) benefactor your work is half done and you will not have to do the chai stall routine.

Once you arrive you will get men and women at your doorstep and they will offer you tan, man and dhan (flesh, soul and money) unconditionally. Take it easy and slowly. Invest in yourself - get facials so that the "glow" on your face increases and you become more "godlike" - in this pursuit keep your "godzilla" tendencies under strict control.

Overseas you will find the NRI community - set our sights on them too - there is a lot of easy pickings available.

The politicians will bring the government machinery at your feet so you can build ashrams anyplace you want - no permissions required. You do not need to pay taxes and can open a number of temples and ashrams.

The businessmen will bring money !

The women.... well what can one say except that there will be more than you can handle. Your assistants will be on a roll too so set strong ground rules.

In short, as you have arrived, you have a lot of fruits to pluck so have fun ! Being a Godman is easy and there are a zillion suckers waiting to be sucked and spat out.

Go forth... milk the suckers and build your empire ! until the day you get caught with your pants down !

An eventful week ended Feb 08, 2010

saamna ka samna

hua rahul se

ek bajey ki local mein

gaya woh

andheri se ghatkopar

via dadar.

mumbai vaasi ne diya salaam

uskey naam

ab aa raha hai

barah farvari

... picture dekhney chalo

khan ki hai baari !